Just Another Day
If I ever have a normal day I will know that the world has come to an end. A “hell has frozen and demons ice skating” end. Today was supposed to be normal. It’s my big FIVE O and I even made a list! Isn’t that what normal people do? It’s a simple short list for crying out loud! Go play with my Grands, get my nails done, a facial, and maybe some dye tossed on the grey girls. That’s it! Is that too much to ask for? Apparently it is.
Oh the Grands were grand! They are at that age where I can teach them all the gross tricks that their parents don’t want them to know, like how to stick fish eyes on their fingers and make dead chicken feet move. And they just love the stories of their ancestors. So while we finger painted, I told them of their six times great grandpa William William Williams the Third on my mother’s side, who rode the family mule into battle with just his grandfather’s saber strapped at his side and a badly made coonskin cap on his head. Then it was all about their five times great grandmama Rosa on my father’s side, that spoke only German and loved to cuss and fuss at her children while she rocked on the front porch sipping her homemade whiskey, smoking a hand rolled cigar, and reading her well-worn bible. I think it should be a few years before I tell them about their super great Aunt Neecy. Yes that will just have to wait.
It was as I was leaving that I knew it would NOT be a normal day. I really must want to blame the puppy. He was the one that chased the ball that my eldest Grand tossed between my feet. My precious Grand is a perfect angel and would never have done that on purpose. So Trouble, that’s the dog; started the chain of events that began with him dashing towards my toes.
Tripping up, I grasped for anything that could stop my fall and my hand landed on the edge of the table with enough force to pop the top off and flip it. Well a bang on the head would have sufficed but it seems we forgot to put the lids on the finger paints tight and so a rainbow of colors arced across the air with several landing on my head seconds before the table top.
I’m sure that while I was knocked out, my precious Grands were simply patting my head and face trying to revive me. They could NOT have been painting me on purpose. Not my sweet angels. Of course, I had to give them big hugs for helping their Gramma. I’m not really sure why their mom was screaming for me to be banned from their house.
I tried again to leave so I could drive home for a shower and some aspirin and scared myself as I caught my reflection in the mirror by their front door. Yes, I’m ashamed to say I screamed. This of course caused my Grands to splash out of the tub their mother had just put them in and run naked to see what had scared their Gramma! And where you may ask, was my dear son –their dad, in all this? Why he was busy laughing and taking video of it all to use, I’m sure, in some future blackmail purposes.
After more hugs, I was finally out the door and on my way home. As I was driving, I noticed that I had broken every nail on my hand that I smacked the table with. I didn’t MEAN to cross the yellow line and I DID scoot back over in my lane super quick. But the cop was quicker and pulled me over. I’m not sure if I appreciated his laughter. He stumbled back to his car and it was not long before two more police cars screamed to the scene. I really did not see why it was necessary for all three of them to escort me home. And seriously, what is it with the camera phones? I slammed my front door in their faces.
They can leave any ticket on the porch.
It was later, after my shower and a hot cup of tea, as I was trying to file my nails into some sort of non-mangled mess that I realized I actually did finish my list, of course just not the way I had planned.